Everything in nature was intact – pleasant and
beautiful. The birds sang in ecstasy. The rivers floated in tremulous
cadence. People thronged in cities - their cars honking and hooting. The lovers
in their rendezvous shared the stories of bygone days. She saw everything in
perfect place, yet she was a loner. The nature in its celestial abode did not
render any solace to her. Every word of her mother; every sound of her husband
still existed in the cavernous of her mind. She felt nostalgic to recall her
past life. She felt emptiness in life like a void which can never be bridged.
She felt like a lonely field, left barren and unattended after the harvest was
done. She felt there was no place for her in this world.
Pem Biddha wore an aggressive look. Everybody would be dreadful when she gave that look. Her brown eyes bear the appeal of
starry eyes. Nobody would get guts to befriend her. She was short in stature,
had plump cheeks and kept long hair locked behind her head with her big
red hair clip. Never in her life, had the seemingly grotesque appearance of
hers appealed the people around her.
In the outcrop of a cave adjacent to her house, Biddha
would stay herself aloof for a whole day –sightseeing and bird watching. She would
never join with her village friends in play grounds. She would be leading
dreadfully a solitary life.
“You need
friends, Biddha” said Yangzom in her motherly tone, “you will have to learn how
to give a smiling face to others”.
The mother advised her vehemently to make friends in
her life but she would never listen. The
mother also wished her daughter to be the apple of every body’s eyes. She
feared of her daughter’s adherence to leading a lonely life.
“Your cousin
sister has many friends”, said the mother implicitly, “why don’t you join her
and learn many good things about others”
“Oh! Yeah” responded Biddha in her sarcastic pitch.
“You will need friends when you go away from me” the
mother urged her.
“Oh! Really, I never knew that before” she replied in
irony.
Every time her mother suggested her to do something,
she responded in effrontery words. Yangzom wished that her husband was there to
put her words into the ears of their daughter. He succemmed to death in an accident when
Biddha was a one year old. Biddha being only daughter to Yangzom, she wanted her
life to prosper. Thus, she wanted to send her daughter to India under the aegis
of her brother who is on deputation as Indo-Bhutan trade commissioner.
“I have selected one of the renowned high schools for
Biddha,” rang back Dorji from his office in India.
“Brother, I wish her to be in a boarding school so that
she gets social skills learned” Yangzom requested in an obliged tone.
“Don’t worry about that, sister” said Dorji, and
immediately he made a telephone call to the Principal of Sacred Heart Girls’
School, Maharastra State, India. Then the admission was confirmed.
In 1992, Biddha was transferred from Khushugchen Com.
Pry. School, Thimphu, to the Sacred Heart Girls’ boarding School, India. She
went to her new school with a heavy heart.
The Sacred Heart Girls’ School was situated in the
heart of Maharastra State. The school structures were like castles in the air.
The grasses were mowed. The footsteps were pebbled. The hostel buildings were
fenced. The teachers were enriching; and friends were welcoming. She
saw herself completely in different world. Consequently, she started liking the school.
Karena was her room mate. The school administrator had allotted the room prior
to her arrival. Perhaps, she was happy that she had an Indian room mate. She was
somehow able to get along with her.
Tring…Tring………Tring…Tring…. The telephone rang to its highest pitch. The
Principal of the school received the call and asked the caller who he needed.
He switched on the line to intercom handset and passed on to Ramu. The school
janitor ran with the telephone set, in careful steps up to the dormitory,
shouting “B..ee.Be..Biddha, Biddha, class XII A, Biddha from Bhutan”.
Every
girl in the hostel was shocked. The Sacred
Heart’s girls were alarmed by the way Ramu called for Biddha. No
telephone
calls were unnecessarily entertained by the school administration. The
Principal would give them a heavy punishment if they were found using
mobile phones in the school. In times of emergency, the school would
look into the
matter but not for the useless gossips.
Biddha in daze, dashed passed her friend and hollered,
“What’s wrong, Ramu?” her shrill voice mumbled and asked the school
caretaker, “Is everything alright?”
“Yes yes, Biddha”, Ramu in his panting breath
handed over the telephone handset to her.
She was very happy to know that there was a call from
Bhutan after a long gap. She had been hoping for the call from her beloved
mother.
“Hello! Biddha” a male voice echoed into her ears.
“Hi! Who is this?”
“I’m ringing from Katsho LSS, Haa”, the man introduced
himself to her in a tantalizing tone. He told her his name, work, village, family
and asked if she was interested in him. But, Biddha was dump-founded yet in a smiling tone
after a few conversations said, “Did you share your feelings about me with my mom?”
“Perfectly Biddha, long time ago” said the gentleman.
“Oh! Then I will let you know when I come back
home”, Biddha said in elated expressions and hung up the telephone handset.
She was mesmerized by his words. The hypnotic words of
the man kept ringing in her mind. Perhaps, she ran into a state of happiness.
That night she stayed awake late into the night – nibbling her sharp finger
nails, counting the days left for her year 12 school graduation.
She found that the time was passing at a snail pace. The
months seemed like years. “Why?” she thought, “Am I in love?”
Finally she finished her final examinations. And no sooner did she complete the exams then she
flew back to Bhutan.
She was excited to see her mother. “My Biddha is grown up now!” Yangzom exclaimed and gave
her daughter a lasting hug. With her mother, there was a good looking man
facing her.
“Hi, Biddha” approached Sonam.
“Hello! Are you Sonam?” she asked in a controlled
breath. The mother nodded and said, “Biddha, he is the son of uncle Khandu and
he is now the Vice Principal of Katsho LSS, Haa”. The mother wanted her
daughter to get married with Sonam Chogyel. He was from their same village. In
one of the winter holidays when Sonam came to village, she wooed him on her
daughter’s behalf and forced him to write letter and make telephone call to
Biddha.
A
few minutes later, the mother served them hot Bhutanese latte, and over a cup
of tea, Biddha and Chogyel came to know each other more. Chogyel told her about
her mother’s arrangement for marriage. And with the last sip from the cup,
Chogyel asked if she had accepted him for her.
Biddha
smiled and said, “If this is my mother’s choice, I think this can be my fate”,
“I would love to have you as my husband if you promised me to take care of me
forever and ever, irrespective of my nature and weaknesses”. Chogyel
wholeheartedly promised her to take a good care and said, “I would love to lead a
family life”.
Yangzom was listening to their conversation from the
adjacent room and she was very excited to know her daughter’s acceptance for
marriage with Chogyel. All in all, she was glad to see a sea of changes in her
behavior. She thought her new school had molded her shrewish behavior and
nurtured into a woman of her kind.
The very following year, after consulting the
astrologer, Chogyel and Biddha got married in traditional ways. Their parents
were happy. The marriage festivities were great. From every nook and corner of
the village, the people flocked in for the party and made the wedding night
worth recording down into the memory lane.
A
year later, Biddha got enrolled into a bachelor of
education degree at Samtse College of Education. She was very happy for
being able to successfully enrolled into a university course. She
thought
she would be able to support her mother and husband in a small way, and
in near
future, help better in looking after the family.
In
order to complete her training on time, she decided
to undertake a family planning. So, she resorted to different methods of
preventing pregnancy. Mostly she relied on drugs but she never realized
the
repercussions of using preventive drugs for a longer duration.
Three years later, after her graduation, she got a school placement of her
choice. She was pleased to get the school where her husband worked. By then her
husband had already got the post of a full-fledged Principal. She was in a blissful state.
Like Kesho’s wife in the story “Dead Men’s Path” she
became the queen of the school. She had new ideas of designing a Good School.
She wanted to help her husband turn their school into one of the ideal schools
in Bhutan. Biddha’s obsession for her set of principles made the colleagues to
have butterflies in their stomachs. The intrinsic nature of her childhood
reawakened through the darker void of the night. She was seen as an obstacle for other staff.
“She is a dust in our eyes” whispered Gyem to her
friend, “she is boastful, sly, rude, catalyst and wish I had unlimited words
to describe her narcissistic character”
Dema agreed whatever her friend had said about Biddha. She would intrude into others work in bit and pieces. Her peremptory
expressions would spoil the mood of every good gathering.
She got lost in her zest for the work. Five years had
been already flown. Many of her age group women became mothers. But, Biddha
did not realize the passage of time and that she was still without kids. She
forgot the urgent desire of her husband. He wanted a child from his wife. He
was worried and often pondered.why his wife was not getting pregnant. He questioned, “Is she not up to the drugs again?”
“Biddha lets go for a check up” suggested Chogyel in
one fine morning. He wanted to know why they did not have child after long
years of marriage. So, next day they dragged their feet to a district hospital
for an urgent check up. They gave the pregnancy test samples and waited for the results. Both
seated in the chairs in a waiting room in anxiety.
Few minutes later, a nurse at the counter called their
names. The numbness ran into them yet Chogyel had to get the result. The nurse
raised her eyebrows and reluctantly said, “I hope, sir, you will not blame your
wife” and she delivered the test reports. He nearly missed his heart
beats when he saw the report. Without even raising his head, he handed over the
reports to his wife. She passed out.
As she woke up, she was laid up on her bed. The house
maid was seated near her. She could hear the worried voices of their neighbors
outside. She heard Chogyel’s words, “She might have taken heavy precautions”.
The mood of the words shared outside was sad and disturbing. The teachers
reassured their Principal’s shattering dream. His robust desire for leading
a family life watered down.
Pem Biddha on other side was sobbing heavily. “I curse
my body” she chided herself desperately. She was sad and felt void of emptiness
in the Maker’s world. She blamed the Almighty profusely.
“I am very sorry, Chogyel”
“Is it not our fate?” Chogyel spoke in reassurance,
“You need not have to feel sorry”. He perhaps thought that she should feel
sorry for herself.
In
the spring of 2009, when nature resuscitated its life, Sonam took a sad
step.
He had different resolution for that year. He had been a dedicated
husband
until he came to know about Biddha’s sterility. He had been going around
with a
teacher of his school. He thought his new partner would be a perfect
substitute. Since then he started neglecting his wife which made
Biddha suspicious about her husband's illicit relationship.
One
evening when Chogyel was at his new partner’s house, his wife came into the
house and furiously questioned the young teacher, "Are you having affairs with my husband?" Her husband intervened and
told his girl friend, “You don’t have to answer that question”, his voice
roared and said, “I will answer the question”, “and you want the answer?” he
charged her.
“I
think I’m entitled to them”, replied Biddha banging the table.
“You
want the answer” his voice thundered and stood up from the bed pointing fingers
at her. She screamed in rampage and said, “I want the truth”.
“You
can’t handle the truth” he crudely said, “You already know the truth”. And his
frustration culminated when he demanded the divorce paper from her.
She
went dump. She went blank. A cold chill of sensation ran down into her spines.
She grouped, staggered and walked away from them and never intruded into their
life again.
Pema
Thinley
PGDE
(3rd Year)
Sherubtse
College
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